You bring the baseball bat behind your head and slam it into your neighbor's door with all your strength. The door swings open and you see your neighbor standing in his pajamas with an expression that's half shock, half fear, half rage. Suddenly, you realize that your neighbor looks familiar. Your neighbor is John McCain. You run away as fast as you can and spend the rest of the day disguised in a shaggy wig and a fake ear. Despite your best efforts, McCain discovers your true identity, and all funding for BICEP is cut shortly afterwards. You leave academia and pursue a career in cheese tasting. |